Because we should say as much before we say more:
A pregnancy blog. I’d never expected I’d have a separate pregnancy blog. But come to think of it, I’d never expected anything about this pregnancy to be what it ended up being. Complete contradiction of expectations. !(Expectations) or something like that. So in the interest of beginning at the beginning and so we can get the explanations out of the way before we start candid motherhood excitement and such..
To call it an accident wouldn’t be right. It wasn’t an accident in the strictly technical sense. Unplanned is more like it. Which would have been okay in the normal world, inhibited by normal people. Regular people like me. Given 5 years of near-blissful marriage and a ticking ovulation clock (I turn 30 in March), one would even say it was about time. Unfortunately not so for certain others. And when said others have contributed 23 chromosomes or whatever to the issue (pun unintended, and forgive my poor biology-gyan), we have a problem at hand.(See I didn’t say issue again, no pun).
So we go round and round, each sticking to our own set of arguments. The first week after finding out was hell, when it seemed like keeping the baby was just one of the options – given the DH’s stand. This is where I start wishing I’d married a regular odd joe who doesn’t think so much. No I’m not saying my man is super-bright or that this antibaby thing is any sign of intelligence, wisdom or such. Just that he thinks a whole lot. What if he’d been a regular mallu guy who didn’t care to question the routine of marriage and then a baby yadayada. Again, no claim that he’s a superstar, heck I dunno how to say this without making it sound like I’m giving him credit, which I’m not coz he’s making my life hell. Also the time I wished we’d had a prenup or something like that. Unlike many women I know I didn’t fall for the DH for how good he is with babies. That wasn’t even one of the things, in fact I’ve never ever seen him around babies. To this date. (That should have been a sign). But we never spoke about it before marriage, and whenever the topic came up after..he was like later..or after this job or this move. Never did he say he didn’t want a baby in his life. To be fair, what was a 24 year old to know about wanting babies or not.
The 29 year old however is very clear he doesn’t want them, that he is going to hate his own kid, has vowed to do no more than financial support, never misses a chance to remind me I’m on my own in this and doomsday stuff like what if the kid hates you for bringing it in when the dad didn’t want it etc etc..Oh he does take care of me though, brings food to my bed even and all of that take-cary stuff. But never failing to make it clear he’s doing it for me and not the baby. Never the baby. Calls it the tadpole when he’s in his bestest brightest mode (hence the blog). Can’t figure for his life why I’d be willing to give up what we had (beautiful wonderful careless companionship) for a crying pooping tadpole.
Me, on the other hand am the one who has famously wanted babies. Wanted to be a young mother (ho, what irony), wanted to take an year off and be with the kid. Yes, the career was important, but well you know what I’m saying. Gotto have the baby cake and eat the career too ..or something like that. I won’t overstress this point. Let it just be understood that we’re 2 people who are coming at this from two poles. Two people, who, if this were anything of a criterion shouldn’t have been married even.
But then again, look at us. We’re together, aren’t we. Sometimes I think things aren’t so doomsday after all. Someone like Vin who loves people in his life with the sort of intensity he does (and who knows this better than I) can’t possibly not love his own kid (23 chromosomes of his!).
But you will understand, won’t you, gentle reader, why so much had to be said. If you don’t now, you definitely will going forward coz what I say would make no sense otherwise.