You, at 3.

You’re 3. Phew. 3 years since we held the crinkly little thing that had threatened to arrive many months earlier but we’d managed to somehow keep within. With magic and spells and some help perhaps from modern medicine.

What a beautiful 3 years it has been. Ive wondered at every stage – after say you turned 18 months – that this is the perfect most wonderful age and come next month you’re going to become less of my baby and more of the adult you threaten to become. I’m happy to say my fears have been misplaced so far. So we get ourselves another year of cuddles and sloppy kisses and wrong grammar, thank God.

Anyway, on 3.

Let’s get the details out of the way first. You’re about 32 pounds, I know this because you are fond of climbing on the bathroom scale and announcing your weight to the world at large. And your face is still all chubby baby, although your limbs and body are of a growing toddler. I love that. It means no matter how serious and miffed you are being with us, your face is hard to take seriously. It is a baby play acting.

You have such long beautiful hair. Straight to start and curled at the ends. Most days it looks like a hair dresser set it while you were sleeping! Oh to have perfect morning hair. You dont realize how much it is admired and envied. If only genes and stuff worked the other way around and I could get that hair!

You continue to be the good eater, the kid that every mom wishes she had. The thing is since we have pretty much never had to feed you or convince you to eat, that’s a skill we sorely lack. So if you decide you don’t want to eat you end up going hungry (unless some major mummy guilt kicks in).

This time round you had a birdie themed party. You’d asked for a monkey but I was able to convince you a bird might be prettier. Somehow monkey seems so first year. You’re not that much of a baby although for most part Id like you to stay that way. With a looot of help from the very able Fasmin we were able to pull if off. I hope you liked it. The highlight of course was that Chitta and Chittappa were here. In fact there’s only one birthday party (of 3, yes) that they’ve missed so far. There was a birdie cake and birdie topped cupcakes and a matching banner and punched out birdies in green and pink hanging from the ceiling. It was the biggest party we’ve ever had so I wisely decided to order in rather than cook a full meal like I did last year. 17 kids and 35 adults. Sometimes I wonder if it was all a bit too much for you. You looked a little overwhelmed sometimes. Next year we’ll keep it small and simple and see how you like that.

I could make an attempt at beginning to tell you what you are to us, your Acha and Amma but I’d fail miserably. You really are everything and we don’t know what we were doing for the first 6 years of our marriage without you around. I’d of course love to have another of your kind but I’m that cause is getting little love (literally) from you or Acha so we will let it slide. For another year. At least when you read this many years from now you’ll realize it was Acha (and your 3 year old self) and not me.

You have a loud voice, and no surprises which side of the family you get that from. In fact you were the lone hope at your class’s christmas program – that was before you decided you were bored and stood around grinning instead of singing – much to your dad’s chagrin.

You like reading, in fact you want us to read to you all the time. These days you’ve been bringing me some malayalam books that Muthassa brought you so who knows you might end up learning the language. You love Calilou, you arent all that abreast of kids movies / cartoons. I dont think that’s a gap that needs to be fixed in a hurry. In fact even Frozen, we ended up showing you pretty late into the craze lest you feel left out of those conversations. This isnt to say you dont love TV. Oh you do like every kid your age you could just glue yourselves to the couch and watch tv to no end. Just that we’re still holding out even if barely on that war. We do succumb and give you the phone though every now and then, so that possibly offsets any benefit from no-tv-time rules..

You love your bath and look melt-my-heart adorable when you walk out all wrapped in the towel. You make a show of this every night, knowing fully well how cute it is.

You love daycare and we like sending you as well.

There are just  a handful of important people in your life. You could count them on hands of two fingers. But they make you feel soo soo special, not just chitta chittappa and grandparents but the few (adult) “friends” that you have. It is just delightful watching you interact with the adult world. I’d have said aunts and uncles but your treat them kind of like your people and they treat you thus as well so lets say friends for now..

You are also at that age when you and I can enjoy some mommie daughter camaraderie. You’ve accompanied me to some shopping trips and even been so useful as to dispense fashion advice to your mom. I’ll look forward to more of that in the coming years (equal part hope and dread). We can also stop at a coffee shop and sit across each other enjoy a tea cake and have a conversation. How’s that for 3 year old? I cant wait to do more of all that with you.

You enjoy workshop time with Acha too and feel very important being his little helper. You can tell a screw driver from a wrench from a drill and can fetch these sometimes across floors.

Somebody said at 3 you can start seeing what you are turning out to be. If that is true, I couldn’t be happier with the thoughtful and wise 3 year old that you are. Stay blessed my little attuputtu. You are the most joyful thing ever.

Winter

It is all too easy to hate winter, child of the tropics that I am. But this time I found myself waiting impatiently for the snow. I like this time of the year, I like the hibernation and introspection it enforces. No pressure to get out and make the most of the great weather, no pressure to shave your legs for the skirts and shirts, no, none of that. I like how it licenses and almost demands long days curled up on the couch with warm fuller meals (goodbye summer salads!) and tv/music, albeit with a toddler who can’t be cooped up inside. Check with me again in a month.

I spent the first 2 years of my life in the US of A ruing the missing friend circle, the kind we’d left behind in Blore. Also told myself I was beyond the age and phase of life where I had the time and energy to build those relationships. And now I wonder how along the way I added all these wonderful souls to my life, small in number but perfect in every way. So glad!

Choice

The story of Brittany Maynard has been all over social media the last few weeks. I’ve been following as well because this is something that I think of very often, among my other what-if dark spells. I’m glad she lived in a country where she was able to make the choice and I’m also grateful for her advocacy. Most of us haven’t had to make such hard decisions, either for ourselves or for our loved ones, but I’m firmly of the belief that we should have that choice, should such misfortune befall any of us.

As much as the white mountain..

Driving to work/daycare, Igi and I often play the ‘How much do I love you’ game. She is at her sweetest best these drives observing and commenting on the cows and horses on the way and wanting to ride them horses and in fall, be the driver of the pumpkin truck etc. So we slip into the How much do I love you pretty easily. The metrics for comparison are usually mountains (because, Colorado) and she usually loves me as much as the blue mountains (which are closer and smaller) and I love her as much as the white (far away, taller). She played the same game with Vin recently and he thought to question why she only liked her as much as the small one while his love was as much as the big one and she came back with ‘Because I’m a small girl and you’re a big acha’

We were watching Monsters Inc with Igi last night and I was the one getting upset every time the girl would get lost or get in danger. Igi was right there watching bravely (yes, I know, Monsters Inc, still!) and going ‘It’s okay amma, the monster’s going to find her, Mia’s here watching you!’. I don’t know if she is wise/stupid, this kid.

We had a rough 2 days, this weekend, marriage-wise. I’m putting this out here so I’m reminded, next time we go there, that we are on the same side, not competing, and to check myself every time I do/say (more often say than do) something spiteful.

A weekend of many parties..

On Saturday, little Nina was given her official name – Nikitha. Her mom (very ably assisted by a few aunts and uncles) made chicken biryani and mutton stew and appams (Also special veg biryani and veg stew for all of 1 among the 30 who were gathered, lest Nina grows up and finds outs her first party wasn’t gluten/vegan friendly). Post-event we promptly put the ton of mint left over from biryani to good use in mojitos and lemonade – served up mallu-style with pickle (again, the Indian kind, not dill) and “mixture”. All very nice.

On Sunday, I had to be at two parties, it is all soo hard I must say. All this good food and good company and then having to miss the cake cutting at both places because I was rushing between. The baby shower for S was a nice beautiful gathering. I”m proud of having convinced 20 reluctant adults to play baby words taboo (with considerable help from some of their kids). What I will remember most from the shower is that even NK had tears (of joy/being touched, of course) in eyes when we played messages from parents. Thankfully that was all the drama there was and the rest of the event has all fun.

And then Fa and R (with a lot of support from P and M and some of us to much lesser extent) pulled off a 1st birthday party that I’m sure was the best and most beautiful that most folks who attended had ever been to. Talent + effort is really something isn’t it? Everything from the cupcake wrappers and toppers and banner and the bunch of balloons picture that was used as guest list and all sorts of decor designed and made in house. Of course Mia came off wanting the exact same party and exact everything so now we have this really tall order to match!

Away (for alla while) pooram

Yet another pooram I’m away.

I was determined not to feel nostalgic and mush this time. Declaring to Chakki and Vin that I don’t feel anything in the run up to it. And then Achan had to go and post pictures on whatsapp. I feel more sad that he went alone, than for my/our being away. Looks like he had a good time though, njangade young old man.

On a related note, all the pooram pictures this time look better. Coz of the beautiful mellow light from the washout.The rain prolly wasn’t a bad thing after all, the pictures and also not having to endure the heat..

Parent-Child conferences

I’ve gone to a few already, much as you’d raise your eyebrows.

I mean as a parent. Wasn’t it a while back that I were going as a child. Can we pretend that it was? If we’re being entirely honest the last one Achan went to for me was when we got (temporarily) suspended from college for going on a tour without official consent. That’s a different story though.

I make it sound like it is a big joke and calling it parent-child conference is, when said children are all of 2 years old and are in daycare much as you’d pretend like it is real school and all that.

But I do like going to them for Igi. And trying to shrug it off and trying hard to not be the beaming grinning ear-to-ear parent, that’s more Vin’s game :P. Prefacing everything with “Not to be the proud dad but” and going on to tell everyone what new incredibly smart thing she did today. Like screwing a lid back on or something. For instance.

Anyway, point is I like to go. And listen to good stuff 🙂 And be told that she belongs with the 5 year olds and she’d be getting bored in her current class etc. That she is so smart they have to give her activities from senior classes. (Same child who can’t count to 10 at home? Whatever)

Anyway I now know how my parents might have felt 😛 I forgive them for being so proud 🙂

PS: I also forgive Achan for not realizing that Chakki was smart too 😛 Like the other day he said it in so many words “didnt realize Lekha was so witty and smart” . I guess he was busy going to parent-child conferences for the elder one, he didnt get the memo on the younger one being smart and witty too 🙂 She didn’t quite take it as a compliment. Why I wonder. Prolly coz she is witty and smart 😛

Between then and now

I’m thoughtlessly hitting publish on everything I had in drafts and going to pick up from now on.

A lot has happened since.

Igi turned one and then two.

Her chitta and chittappa moved from all the way from India to the US of A, I’d argue as much to be with Igi as anything else career/life types. That was also about the time I started counting my blessings (many many thank God) and stopped asking for more 🙂

Chitta started  a Masters at Berkeley no less, I put a congratulatory post on her wall that had people thinking she was pregnant. Oh well.

Chittappa is accumulating superstar awards and all star performances at Qualcomm. Pinkpanther Qualcomm no big difference. All the same. Except he cooks as well now. Since she is away. And asks for amma to bring kudapuli from India like he’d know what it is.

Igi’s Achachan and Achamma were here and had a fantastic time.

Igi’s Muthassa was here as well and was decently fed and taken care of because his visit coincided with the Achacha/Achamma pairs’.

And her ammumma is back. Just so we don’t lose count the third time in the US.

Okay, so now that the audience is all brought up to date we can resume normal programming over here. And pick up where we left  off. 2 years back was it?

Igi and Muthassa

I’m writing this a good year and a half after Muthassan’s trip transpired. In fact so late that he has come and gone again. I’m glad his first visit was when I was still not working, which meant a lot of time for Amma, Muthassan and Igi to lounge around at home. I do wish I was more mobile and with the world and the parenting thing than I was back then though.

We had a wonderful wonderful trip to the east coast. Igi Muthassan Acha and I. Again, good thing it happened back then coz now leave and all that..God knows when we’ll be able to do that sort of thing again. Achan (mine not Igi’s this time) always wanted to go to Niagara falls, having read about the world’s largest (largest longest widest whatever, some est) waterfall in school. And going by the number of desis that descended on the falls the weekend we went, a lot of fellow Indians went to the same school. So one thing off his bucket list anyway. We did the usual patel-shot round of New York, complete with the statue of liberty (Meh as per Achan, and also “Liberty ivarkku mathram mathiyo? Vietnaminum Aghanistaninum Iranum vende?” or some remark like that) – still nice to be able to go there see it and then remark thus rather than from afar I guess. Achan was fascinated by NY and the skyscrapers and lights. So would anyone on their first trip ..

Most of all, he enjoyed his time with Igi and his forced vacation from his time running between KSSP and the library council and all sorts of citizen group meetings in Thrissur. He’d take her out in the stroller in the morning, sing her to sleep with a choice selection of mallu melodies (I’m sure Igi has “innale neeyoru” and “kalpanthakalatholam” and songs from chemmeen indelibly written in her subconscience)..Achan was pretty good at the making her sleep thing though so I must say his singing voice worked for the Igg – his one person then-6-month-old fanclub. He also had monopoly on feeding Igi and would get impatient if I didnt have stuff ready by Igi’s mealtime. If Igi’s appetite is anything to go by (yesterday she came home from daycare with a report that said she had 3 servings of lunch, I think the teacher was politely trying to say please  dont starve her at home. Yes, I do have the report nicely photographed and preserved to show at her graduation if she does graduate) that was a pretty auspicious start 🙂

All said, I know Achan would enjoy Igi at this age a lot more than he did back then (sorry to break it to you Igg, you’re better and cuter and more fun as you age, kind of like wine, I guess there is a good side to that). Which is also why I’m a little sad Achan’s next visit coincided with that of her paternal grandparents (who will soon, in chronological order of visits be featured on this blog) and at a time when there were one grandparent too many vying for Igu’s attention. (Not that it wasnt a happy time or anything and not that Achan so much as even mentioned or complained, but you know how grandparents more so than parents are inherently selfish creatures) Oh well, he will make his yearly pilgrimage soon and he can suit himself taking care of Igg full time and exclusive 😀